Stay At Home Economics 101

Not long after I started working on the first post for Stay At Homestead Dad I came across a blog that did a great job illustrating the value of work done in the home. The post had gone viral and has appeared all over social media as well as in a few more traditional outlets, so you have likely read Fathers, you can’t afford a Stay-At-Home Mom. When I saw the title it made me upset, because I had planned to make the opposite argument here; that having a parent stay at home can make a lot of financial sense. Then I read the post and realized the author had actually made the same argument I wanted to make, but had simply titled the post poorly.

The piece certainly deserves a read. But I will sum it up by telling you that it consists of a working father calculating how much he would need to spend to get all the services that his stay-at-home wife provides. He certainly highballs his calculations in some areas. For instance, he probably should have calculated the cost of getting take-out instead of the cost of a personal chef. But overall I think he makes an important point:  it costs a lot more to buy a good or service than to do something yourself.

My wife and I made a similar calculation when we decided I would stay-at-home and take care of our son. I don't have the exact numbers anymore and I would not disclose the details of my finances anyway, but we reached a similar conclusion. When we added up all the goods and services we would need to purchase if I had a job, it amounted to a good deal more than the paycheck I would bring home working as a public librarian. It simply did not make sense for me to work outside the home.

The cost of child care alone is huge and would eat up the majority of my pay check. Then comes the extra money we would need to spend on transportation. If we still lived in Brooklyn this would simply amount to the cost of a monthly metro-card. But the public transportation in Poughkeepsie is not great. We currently get by with one car, but if I worked we might need a second car with all the expenses that come along with it (monthly payment, insurance, gas, maintenance). I cook dinner every night (yes, every night), but if I worked outside the house I would probably take at least one night off a week and get takeout. Cooking your own meals is generally a lot cheaper (more on this in a future post). All these things already amount to a good deal more than what I would get from a paycheck. If you add in the savings from growing food in my garden the quantifiable benefits rise even higher. And this only takes into account things you can put a dollar sign on. It does not count things you can't really quantify, like the extra attention my son gets from me that he would not get in day care, or the fact that I cook meals much more delicious and nutritious than anything we would buy at a take-out place, to name just two examples.

I realize this goes against current conventional wisdom. It seems like in most families today both parents work. I won't argue that every couple should make the same choice we did. If both partners have very high salaries and/or a strong sense of job satisfaction then it probably makes sense to keep both jobs. Still, there is a reason why having one partner stay at home used to be the norm. So it makes sense for more families to crunch the numbers and start asking themselves if one partner should stay at home. If more people thought like this they might realize that their second paycheck goes towards buying things they would not need, or could produce at home if one partner stayed at home.

I know that in today's economy not everyone becomes a stay-at-home parent by choice. Many people have lost their job and can't find another one despite their best efforts. So they end up taking care of the kids and the house by default. If you find yourself in this situation, instead of letting it get you down I suggest that you embrace it. Remember that you can contribute a lot to your family's bottom line without having a job.

As the economy shifts away from sectors that usually employ men and towards jobs traditionally held by women, more men find themselves out of work with their wives the sole bread winner. Some men have a hard time handling this psychologically, especially those who consider taking care of the home and kids women's work. At the same time our culture has sold many women on the idea that empowerment means holding down a job with a paycheck, so I think that some women also find the idea of staying at home unappealing.

Like any working arrangement being a stay-at-home parent has pros and cons. Of all the jobs I have had it is the most demanding, but it is also the most fulfilling. The work can be tedious at times, but I don't have a boss making me do pointless busy work because he has me on the clock and wants to get his money worth for the hours he is paying me. If something needs to get done, I do it out of necessity, not because someone tells me. This makes work less like work. When I'm not doing chores I get to spend most of my day playing with an amazingly cute and bright child.  During his nap I sometimes get some house work done, but I usually take that time to do some exercise, read a book, or write this blog. I'm somewhat of an introvert and a homebody, so the job suits me and this should certainly factor into anyone's decision to stay home. Spending so much time with a small child can feel isolating even for an introvert like me. So I try to get out and socialize with other adults regularly. Overall though I really like the job and can say that I do it very well.

Whatever your gender, you should not let cultural expectations stop you from following a path that might work for your family.  Staying at home certainly requires a change of perspective, but with the right attitude it can be very fulfilling work. I plan to talk about the psychological and cultural barriers to making this change down the road. For now I suggest crunching the numbers and asking yourself if it would make sense for you or your partner to stay home. Really think about all the things you would not need if one of you could spend their time doing things at home. It might surprise you. Even if you don't ultimately decide to have one partner stay home, this exercise should help show the real value of domestic labor and might give you some ideas of ways you can maximize your home economy even if both you and your partner work.

Next week we get cooking.